The following piece is graphic in content. Reader discretion advised. Ilost my lunch just writing it.
It was the patterns. They got me. Morphology unlimited. Hues of red/amber/vermilion. Take your pick. Sometimes colorless. They were everywhere. Crept into the mind's eye. Indefatigable. More powerful in presence than that favorite symbol of the Indian landscape, the mosquito.
I stepped out one fine morning. Feeling nice and dandy. This chap gave me a demo. Sucked back. Smirk on face. Delivered with aplomb. Fine spray barely missing moi. Ugly stare to man. Man shrugs shoulders. Gets ready for round 2. I have limited wardrobe. Just bathed after mom petitioned High Court. I ran. Sped. Disappeared. I love to give up.
The prostate gland as is well-known is a single. No colleagues. Still most women (sorry all) will confirm that it is the most overworked gland in male humans. Same human possesses several salivary glands. Many. Meant to aid digestion and speaking and fund our favorite pastime, Spitting. Have glands will spray.
Our wonderful roads are world-famous for a myriad reasons. Among them potholes (who can resist a pothole reference) and spit patterns. One, more glorious than the other. Using the tar as an innocent canvas humans are such fine artists. Gory. Disgusting. Gut-wrenching.
Animals of the world urinate to delineate their territory. We spit. Use the saliva to mark our world. Get into a bus, spit out the window. Get out of a bus, spit. Using a lift, spit. Using the stairs, spit. See a spittoon? Spit by its side. We are the champions my friend.We'll keep on spitting till the end.
Mind you. Spitting is good for us. Otherwise we would't do it. Not us. It keeps us humble. How? Head-down while walking on road. Avoiding the red beauties. Becomes a part of behavior. A modest,non-assuming race is defined.
Agility. Yes. Evading saliva artwork. Will make a super- athletic people.
That's the logic.
Movie to watch compulsorily: My Cousin Vinny
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10 comments:
You said it!
The morning sport mainly comprises of sidestepping secretions on teh sidewalk ( no easy task this.)
Been having nightmares of Mycobacteria sticking onto my soul(sic:sole)as I brave through the Streets that were Spat upon.(Think Brave doc,listening to U2 playing hopskotch on the sidewalk.)
Let's not even start about the projectiles of red fluid.Evokes my emetic centre before my I-hate-physics-but-this-sounds-intriguing-centre.
With all the boxes of tissues being sold at traffic lights you'd think there would be less of salivary graffiti,what?
Sigh.
We Indians.
We are like that only.
Like always, we are faced with the eternal dilema, so succinctly epitomised by Sri Austin Powers ..... Spitz or Swallows Baybee, Yeah !
"Spitting is my birhtright n i shall have it." thts our funda...
Besides, its one of d few actions remainin tht donot require special,valid,informed consent from our govt...no 10pm deadlines,no value added tax.
How cn v let the oppurtunity go??
Mera Bharat Mahaan!
cheers,
Kashunut
no words, i have no words...
ambika
like my cousins principal said while catchoing hold of his ears after catching him from the terrace trying to cmpete with his friends as to who could spit longer, a la titanic, ''Under-standing people will suffer.''
What he meant was that people standing on the ground will suffer. Spitting seems to be an obsession and as long as it feels macho, there is no cure, period!
hoppy ol boy.... you getting better and better
gross!!!
Reminds me of all the paan stains on the walls....
eeeeuk
Dude...you have now officially arrived.[Never mind that everyone else has fled ;)]
Chuck Norris has nothing on you !!
~ V
Wonderfully written...
Yuck, the red paan stains can be seen almost everywhere in India and we walk carefully to avoid stepping on it ( not to mention things like cowdung)...
heyy... thanks fer the comment on my blog. this is one hilarious post! most of the quotables seem to have already been taken up.. hehe. do u realize that if u dont spit up around, its a mouthful to carry around? :P (bad joke...). besides its test of nerves and power and.... whatever thingys.
move over statistics and medical experts. health hazards? cleanliness?? wot u talking man?? this is INDYEAH! and we like to showw off our jet prowess. :P. wait till jack dawson sees it. he would blush with shame.
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