A letter to my father.

My father was born on 11/11/1951 and I was spawned on 12/09/1981. Our birthdays every year were exactly four weeks apart. My father said his goodbyes on 11/29/2004.The words in italics are lyrics from Joshua Radin’s song, ‘Winter’. I hope Mr.Radin does not mind me borrowing his work.

I should know who I am by now
I walk the record stand somehow
Thinkin' of winter
The name is the splinter inside me
While I wait

I'm walking around. Looking around. Learning. Missing something. Laughing. A joke here. A joke there. A story ever so often. But, in the back of my mind I’m always thinking of winter. I don’t want to let go completely. I don’t want this chapter to end. You live inside me. That’s all I have of you. I wait.

And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you

I remember the excitement on November 11th. It was just another day for you. For me it was magic. I gave you a gift. Allowed you to unwrap it and took it back immediately for my own use. Do you know that your grandson does the exact same thing with his own father? I’m sure you are laughing somewhere. Your birthday was the perfect buildup for my own birthday. Four weeks away. It was like the holidays had just begun. The mother would plan a theme party and the sister would provide art direction. You would fetch your camera in December. I would jump around.

But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

I’ve waited and waited. Seems like you just went out-of-town. I have waited too long. I must accept. I don’t have to be like this. It is difficult to wake-up when the only way I talk to you is in my dreams. I never want to wake. I must. I have to. It’s time. I’ve tried to use others to aid me in this long walk. I must walk alone now. Keep walking. Give.Serve.

The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is all I hear somehow
Calling out winter
Your voice is the splinter inside me
While I wait

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fivetimesfive

1. My favorite song is 'November Rain'.."I know it's hard to keep an open heart...when even friends seem out to harm you...But if you could heal a broken heart...then wouldn't time be out to charm you...”


2. I am left-handed, I was 5 weeks premature and at age 3 I nearly choked to death. My father saved my life.


3. I grew up in Manipal. A university town by the sea. I would not a change a thing about my childhood. Growing up in Manipal means running into people from there every now and then - be it in a bus in Baltimore, or an airport in Chennai or in a handicrafts fair in Hyderabad.


4. When it rains, I do the following - inspire a lungful of petrichor, get some coffee/tea and feel sleepy.


5. Family means the people in my care-radar. Blood similarities are not required


6. I need to eat butter chicken once a week at minimum. Otherwise, I get cranky


7. Some of the names I go by are, annu, nu, poopybutt, thammoo, thota, thots, thotu, kurt, pudding, valu, abt, abtd, baba, gbr, goldenboyramdas, tommy, bon-bon, bjorn, zot, beejo. My passport says Anil Krishna Bjorn Thota. I was named for two hindu gods, a tennis player and the father of modern critical care medicine.


8. Till recently my voicemail was recorded in Spanish.


9. I'm the only person I know who needed to learn swimming twice. At age 4 and age 11. Thankfully, the same did not occur with biking. My favorite motorbike of all time will be Sylvia.


10. Sport of any sort will pique my interest. Unless a favorite is playing, I will always root for the underdog.


11. In the United States, I have lived only in cities whose football team mascot is a bird of prey. Baltimore with its (and my) Ravens and Atlanta with its Falcons. Based on my calculations, I can only move to Seattle or Philly.


12. I swore off religion on December 6th, 1992.


13. My sister is the best teacher of children that I've ever seen. My father was an atheist and my best friend. My mother continues to be the most genuine person I've ever encountered. I adore the Kandikattus in the land of Lincoln.


14. Book before movie. Still kicking myself w.r.t. LOTR.


15. People inspire me. Like someone giving up an MBA life to dance (and being brilliant), like someone telling me that their favorite place in the whole world is a little coffee shop by DuPont circle, like a war veteran explaining the big picture to me, like a college dorm phone attendant who called me in the US to wish me a happy birthday, like an anesthesiologist who resuscitated newborn twins with one endotracheal tube.


16. Avidoo (in pic) is me.


17. Kindness is the most attractive feature in a human being (dogs are naturally kind) for me. I also dig secularism and equity. Injustice, cruelty and selfishness cause unpleasant reactions in my system. Just like for anyone else.


18. Not having practiced clinical medicine in 4 years, entering a hospital is like meeting an old girlfriend. It manifests as a curious mixture of nervousness and excitement.


19. Music, Movies, the Indian cricket team, cooking, long walks and my blackberry are some of the requisites in my life. Some old, some new.


20. Whenever I see the ocean, I feel humbled by its vastness.


21. With regard to my friends. Peeps. I’ve hit the jackpot. They are my life buffers.


22. One word sentences are awesome. Really.


23. is Michael Jeffrey Jordan. No equal.


24. Bujji is bujji. Thinking of thinking of life without her is incomprehensible. (Yea, it is ‘thinking of thinking…’)


25. Sometimes, I forget to cry.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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a few pointers for my brethren (read:men)

This 'treasure-chest' of wisdom comes from a source who is a self-professed whomper (read:loser) at relationships. Please read at your own risk. If anything goes wrong, just point blame at economy.

1. Two crucial words. Internalize. "Yes, dear". Without these coming out instinctively from your mouth you're dead meat. Be wise to turn them into a question i.e. "Yes, Dear?" if she asks you to repeat what she said. Learn them. Now.
   
2. Bring her flowers at every possible opportunity. Do not rake brain too much with whatifs such as "What if she doesn't have a vase" or "What if she is allergic to flowers". Don't be a dodo. Watch with wonder as a vase materializes out of thin air.
3. When you go to the movies and she pulls out her only-for-watching-movies-glasses, do not inquire about her eyesight. Pretend like you didn't notice at all.
4. It's all good to compliment her looks when she's all dressed up and going to a wedding. Tell her she looks like a million bucks when she's wearing old clothes and painting a house or something. Say it. Mean it.
5. Never compare her with anyone else. Never.
6. If you don't cook, if you don't know even know where the salt is, step into the kitchen all the same. Offer to stir, at the least.
   
7. Get a blackberry. This is why. If she loves sports you are a lucky pig, but if she doesn't and you are out wine-tasting when your favorite team is on, a blackberry can go a long way (looooooooooooooong) in keeping you up-to-date with the latest score. A few furtive glances at the 'berry will suffice before you come back home and watch highlights on full HD. Plus, blackberrys are just incredible.
   
8. Make everything an adventure. Even a trip to the grocery store.
   
9. Sometimes she will talk critically (mildly used here) about another she. Five minutes later second she appears and your she embraces her with a warmth that boggles your puny mind. There is no need to be overtly concerned. It's called 'bitchin'. In one ear and out the other. Akin to men never calling the next day.
10. Perfect one dance step. All she needs of you is to be on the dance floor. Your range of skills on the floor or the versatility of your dance abilities are not under purview. She will do the dancing. You do your step.
11. Be nice to her. And. Everyone else. Being nice is more challenging than being mean.It makes you cool.
    

Adios.

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