A letter to my father.

My father was born on 11/11/1951 and I was spawned on 12/09/1981. Our birthdays every year were exactly four weeks apart. My father said his goodbyes on 11/29/2004.The words in italics are lyrics from Joshua Radin’s song, ‘Winter’. I hope Mr.Radin does not mind me borrowing his work.

I should know who I am by now
I walk the record stand somehow
Thinkin' of winter
The name is the splinter inside me
While I wait

I'm walking around. Looking around. Learning. Missing something. Laughing. A joke here. A joke there. A story ever so often. But, in the back of my mind I’m always thinking of winter. I don’t want to let go completely. I don’t want this chapter to end. You live inside me. That’s all I have of you. I wait.

And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you

I remember the excitement on November 11th. It was just another day for you. For me it was magic. I gave you a gift. Allowed you to unwrap it and took it back immediately for my own use. Do you know that your grandson does the exact same thing with his own father? I’m sure you are laughing somewhere. Your birthday was the perfect buildup for my own birthday. Four weeks away. It was like the holidays had just begun. The mother would plan a theme party and the sister would provide art direction. You would fetch your camera in December. I would jump around.

But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

I’ve waited and waited. Seems like you just went out-of-town. I have waited too long. I must accept. I don’t have to be like this. It is difficult to wake-up when the only way I talk to you is in my dreams. I never want to wake. I must. I have to. It’s time. I’ve tried to use others to aid me in this long walk. I must walk alone now. Keep walking. Give.Serve.

The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is all I hear somehow
Calling out winter
Your voice is the splinter inside me
While I wait

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